Something To Be Proud Of
by bodysurfer27
Summary: A series of conversations between Leonard and Sara through Season One.
1. Freezing To Death Wouldn't Be The Worst

**A/N: So, while watching this episode, I felt like this was when Sara and Leonard began trusting each other. And has no-one picked up on the fact he gave her his puffy jacket when they were stuck in the engine room? Like, seriously, that's important to their character development. Anyway, I feel like they had more conversation which led Leonard to give Sara his jacket. And I knew I just had to write something about it. I love CaptainCanary and I hope my writing does their characters justice.**

 **I don't own DC's _Legends of Tomorrow_ but if I did CaptainCanary would be in season two and Leonard never would've died at the Vanishing Point.**

* * *

"This must be how you always envisioned your death." Sara's voice broke the silence which enveloped the room since the doors sealed themselves shut. After Kendra and Ray assured them they had a plan (which both Sara and Leonard knew to be a lousy attempt of reassurance), the Crook and the Assassin spent the rest of their time waiting in a mutually agreed upon silence. That is, until Sara decided to break it.

"Freezing to death wouldn't be the worst way to die." Leonard had chosen to sit behind a stack of crates on the side of the room, putting as much distance between him and the poorly ice covered hole in the Waverider as possible. He pulled his signature puffy jacket closer to him. "What was it like? Dying." He added, for clarification. "Just in case Palmer can't figure a way to get us out of here." She swallowed before nodding her head, signaling she would answer his question.

"Lonely." Her blue eyes shifted to the puff of air released from her mouth. She tucked her hands more into her armpits in an attempt to keep herself warm. She too, had opted for a spot of warmth, sitting a few feet away from Leonard yet close enough for him to talk to without needing to raise his voice. "You'd expect it to be...painful or slow or..." She shivered against the cold. Her thin maroon shirt offered no source of heat for her. Not like Leonard's parka did for him. "Or even peaceful. But for me, it was l-lonely." Her teeth began to chatter. Neither of them knew just how long they'd been trapped, sitting, freezing. "L-like everyone I l-loved was a m-million miles away f-from me." Sara closed her eyes.

Leonard stared at her intently, his eyes focused solely on her throughout her little speech. He noticed every violent tremor wrack through her as her body desperately tried to stay warm. His mind flashed to Lisa; a sudden urge to protect the blonde assassin reminded him of the too often familiar instinct to save his sister.

"How did you die?" He asked, in an effort to push those familiar feelings away. Sara was only a teammate. He refused to let himself worry for her. Sara opened her eyes and Leonard noticed the soft wetness to her eyelashes. A wetness he knew to be caused by her memories.

"T-three ar-rows to the st-tomach. I...I f-fell off a r-roof."

"The closest I have come to dying is, ironically the first time I met Mick." Leonard exhaled softly as his eyes moved from Sara's blue ones to the wall of the ship. "It was my first day in Juvie. I was fourteen. I was a small scrawny kid. Bigger kids took advantage of that. They tried to jump me. I handled my own until one of them pulled out a shiv." He unconsciously licked his lips at the memory. "Mick stepped in and saved my life. And now I've been saving his ever since."

"L-let's h-hope he's s-s-saving R-Rip and th-the oth-h-hers n-now." The blonde assassin sunk lower down into her curled position.

"Who else is tough enough to fight against those pirates." A small smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. However, the smirk fell into a frown once his eyes landed back onto Sara's shaking form. The two of them lapsed into that mutually agreed silence once again.

Bored out of his mind and needing to maintain some form of body heat, Leonard began fiddling with the now dead cold gun. His fingers mindlessly traced the material covering the cooling chamber as he tried to ignore his present situation. At least Sara was one of the least annoying on the time ship. And the only other person he'd rather be stuck with than Mick at the moment. If only Leonard managed to sneak the deck of cards into his parka pocket...

After a decent amount of time went by, he moved his eyes from the cold gun back to the blonde assassin. Sara's eyes took longer to open each time she blinked, and her chest rose and fell in a shallow rhythm. Her skin had a pale color to it, and her shoulders trembled. In that moment, all Leonard could see was Lisa sitting beside him instead of Sara, and he knew he had to do something. Without thinking much of it, his arms were already through the sleeves of his puffy jacket and the cold air bit his skin under the somewhat thick material of his long-sleeve shirt. Once his jacket was off, he licked his lips before speaking.

"Come here, Lance." He wrapped one arm around her small slender waist, only to lift her onto his lap. He then wrapped his warm jacket around her shoulders while simultaneously pulling her closer to his chest. Once she was settled, he slid his arms through the puffy parka.

"Wh...what?" She breathed out in confusion. Her head was pressed against his chest while he began rocking them back and forth.

"You're closer to dying than I am. At least this way you won't freeze to death too soon."

"Y-you're q-quite th-the g-gentleman, C-c-crook." Her forehead rested in the crook of his neck. His shoulders tensed at the sudden coldness.

"Never said I wasn't, Assassin." He rested his chin on the top of her blonde head.

'L-L-Lisa would b-be pr-proud." He sighed instead of answering.

"Lisa has nothing to be proud of me for. I screwed up her life. I should've frozen that bastard's heart a long time ago. Right after I stole the Cold Gun from S.T.A.R. Labs. I should've left Mick in future Star City. I should've never went to juvie."

"I should've n-never w-w-went on th-that b-boat." Sara whispered. "W-we all m-make decisions w-we aren't pr-proud o-of. B-but I kn-know L-Lisa w-would be pr-proud of y-you for wh-who y-you are n-now."


	2. I'm No White Knight

**A/N: So, I have decided to continue this, however the theme will be the same. These will all be moments in season One where Sara/Leonard will doubt themselves and the other has to remind them of why they are on this mission in the first place** **. This next chapter centers around Sara's _bloodlust_ and after she ran off when Kendra and Sara were training in the cargo bay after Kendra 'hawked' out in D.C.**

 **For those of you who need the episode as a reference, I'm writing this to take place in Season One Episode Four _White Knights_.**

* * *

"Sara! Stop!" Kendra's scream rang through the cargo bay. Her heart pounded in her chest and her wide eyes conveyed the panic coursing through her body.

The blonde assassin faltered; her tight grip on the current knife in her hand loosened and the haze covering her eyes seemed to dissipate. Her chest heaved up and down, her mind in chaos. Half of her demanded she finish the kill, while the other half begged her to stop.

The knife in her hand slipped and clattered to the floor. She leaned away from her feathery teammate.

"Sara?" Kendra said in a trembling voice.

Sara got up and spun on her heel. She sprinted out of the cargo bay and into the hallway. Ray burst down the hallway, his wide eyes taking in Kendra's scared frame on the floor.

"Kendra!" He shouted, unaware of Sara sprinting towards him. He brushed her shoulder but he didn't stop to apologize. He continued like the incident never happened. Leonard had followed Ray when the two of them heard a scream from the cargo bay.

"Lance?" Leonard drawled, barely managing to grab the White Canary by her elbow. She twisted her arm out of his fingers, continuing down the hallway and out of his sight. "Lance!" He called out after her, rolling his eyes. "Sara!" He yelled, immediately following after her. However he lost her as she went around the corner of the ship. "Damnit, Canary." He rubbed his tired eyes before picking one of the two hallways splayed out in front of him.

* * *

Sara entered the Medbay, unable to breathe or think. Her chest felt tight and constricted. She came too close; much too close this time.

"Gideon?" Suddenly she realized her voice was shaking and the tears blurring her vision.

"Yes, Miss Lance?" Sara wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Gideon, I need you to give me something that'll stop the bloodlust."

"I'm not sure I can do that. No files in the archives show any relation to what you're experiencing. Might I suggest a minor sedative and some sleep? My records indicate it has been three days since you've last slept."

"I..." Sara swallowed, the urge to kill overpowering the rational part of herself. "I'll take it." The blonde sat down in the chair then waited for the blue light to appear. "How long will it take to kick in?"

"Between five and six minutes."

"Gideon, once I'm in my bunk, lock the door and don't let anyone in. Not under any circumstances."

"Yes, Miss Lance." The blue light began at her feet then trailed itself up her body, fading once it reached the top of her head. "Sedative complete."

"Thank you, Gideon." She stood up from the chair.

Her legs wobbled yet she began the long trek to her room aboard the Waverider. Already, her mind was blank and void of the bloodlust. The little voice who whispered for bloodshed had finally stopped speaking into her ear.

She sighed in relief once she had made it to her room. The door shut with a clicking noise behind her. She barely had time to sit down on her bed before her eyes were closing and her mind relaxed enough to allow her to get some sleep.

* * *

"What about Miss Lance?" Martin suggested.

"No. She's training Kendra." Snart drawled, slightly uncomfortable having a trained assassin somewhere on the ship in a current state of bloodlust. Ray told him not to worry; Sara knew how to handle the effects of the Lazarus Pit. But having an assassin **hiding** on the ship still most likely craving death by her hands, that was what created an uneasy feeling in Leonard's stomach.

"Yeah, about that..." Ray started.

"We don't need them." Rip shook his head. "Martin, you use the key Mr. Snart stole to get into the lab. Mr. Snart, you and Mr. Palmer go as backup."

"I don't know, Rip. Maybe I should stay here, monitor Kendra's wellbeing and all..." Ray stole a longing look towards the hallway which would lead him to the Medbay-where Kendra was currently decompressing.

"Jax will be with her once he locates the whereabouts of Miss Lance."

Suddenly, an idea popped into Captain Cold's head. Sometimes the best place to hide is the one no one would expect. Assassins are known to hide in plain sight...especially trained ones like Sara.

Without warning he stood up from his position of leaning on the center console. Ray furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as Leonard began to walk away from the discussion.

"Where are you going?" The Atom questioned the crook.

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't concern you." Leonard said while he disappeared from their sight. He quickly hurried to Sara's door. "Lance!" He banged on the cold metal surface. "Lance!" He repeated as his fist continued to pound on the metal door.

"Might I advise that Miss Lance is not presently in her room, Mr. Snart." The AI's voice spoke from overhead.

"Cut the crap, Gideon. You and I both know she is." He snarled at the artificial intelligence. Then he directed his words to Sara's door. "Canary. Open the damn door." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Miss Lance is currently asleep. Might I advise you to come back later?"

"Or you can open the door and I can enter now." Leonard responded to Gideon.

"I cannot. Miss Lance specified not to open the door under any circumstances."

"Then I override those circumstances."

"You cannot-"

"I can. And I will." Leonard growled. He reached into his front pants pocket for a paper clip. He pulled out the small object then inserted one side into the emergency keyhole. The lock clicked and Leonard smirked, his eyes briefly gazing up to the ceiling. "See, Gideon? Never met a place I couldn't break into."

Leonard slid through the now unlocked door. He entered the dark room, one hand hovering above his cold gun-just in case. The door slid shut behind him and his eyes fell onto a figure curled up on the bed.

Sara's back faced the door. To anyone else it seemed like a normal position but Leonard knew it was an extremely vulnerable position for a person like Sara. She always slept with her face turned towards the door. Her breathing was slow and even, and her body's relaxed state had his fingers gripping his cold gun in response.

Sara was never relaxed. Not like this. Her body, similar to his own, held an edge to her posture. Always waiting for things to go wrong. Preparing for the worst. So for her to not even notice the banging on her door or the loud metal opening, this proved something was wrong.

Swallowing, Leonard nervously stepped towards her sleeping figure. Once he hovered over her, he raised his hand. He fearfully placed his fingers over her t-shirt clad shoulder. He gently shook it.

"Lance." He murmured, continuing to shake her shoulder. "Lance." He sighed. "Gideon. Lights please. Twenty percent." The brightness in the room did nothing to wake her up. "Lance." He rose his voice. "Sara!" Her eyes fluttered open slowly, a drowsy sleepy medicated haze clouding her blue orbs.

Her head turned to look at him and he felt his heart thump wildly in his chest. Her blue eyes held nothing but sleepiness, her hair fanned across the pillow softly in slow motion, and a small smile graced her lips. She blinked slowly as her eyes adjusted to the light in the room. This was the side of Sara he instinctively knew to be before the accident on the Gambit.

"Hmm?" He eyed her warily, making sure to take in every movement her muscles made.

"Sara...what did you take?"

"I gave Miss Lance the sedative she asked for." Gideon chimed in from overhead. "Don't worry, Mr. Snart. It is only a mild sedative. It should be wearing off within the next hour."

"Sara doesn't need a sedative." He said with his signature drawl.

"I did." Sara spoke through a yawn. "Helped me clear my head for a minute."

"Or a few hours. Lance, what the hell?"

"I'm sorry, okay. I just needed to clear my head." She sat up and dangled her feet over the edge of the bed. "Does Rip need me?"

"No. But he has the kid looking for you." Sara yawned again then laid back down. She rolled over so her back was facing him and the door. "Lance."

"Gideon, tell Jax my location in an hour."

"Yes, Miss Lance." Leonard readjusted his posture, his shoulders moved up then down.

"You're stronger than this, Canary."

"You don't know me."

"I know you're not the killer you think you are."

"I could kill you. Right here. Right now. Get out." He went quiet, giving Sara a few minutes to calm down before he decided to speak again.

"Kendra's fine."

"I said get out." Sara snarled, in warning. If he wasn't careful, Sara might just kill him. Leonard licked his lips before nodding, though Sara couldn't see him.

"Fine. But I know Laurel wouldn't like to see you doing this to yourself, Sara. She'd want you to be better than this. And to remember the mission and what we're fighting for." He turned away from her, against his better judgement.

"Don't talk about Laurel. You don't know her."

"I know I'd be telling my sister something like that if it was her in your position."

"Get. Out." A whizzing sound had him instinctively moving a step back as a knife clattered to the floor less than a foot in front of him. "Next time, I won't miss."

The metal door to Sara's room opened. Leonard stepped over the knife, took one last look at the assassin then swallowed down whatever her was going to say. The door closed behind him and he began making his way towards the Medbay. Perhaps a little chat with Kendra could help...


	3. Important AN

**A/N:** **Hi guys! Long time no update. I know a bunch of you were expecting this to be a new chapter, and as much as I want to give one to you, it's not.**

 **Life here has been crazy and chaotic. I haven't been able to sit down and write or log onto this website.**

 **My grandmother was diagnosed with Stage 4 COPD and congestive heart failure before Christmas. The doctors here gave her a week to live so we decided to go with Hospice Care. What that means is she's living at home with me and needs 24 hour care every day. That means I haven't had any time to write or do much of anything aside from caring for her.**

 **We are now entering our second week at home and she's doing really well. Hopefully she'll be around for a little while but I've been a little run down and ragged and too tired to write in the small time away I can manage. I hope you all understand my choice for a temporary hiatus.**

 **With that being said, I don't know how long I'll be on this website for or how long my temporary hiatus will be.**

 **Please keep my family in your thoughts. I honestly don't know when I'll be back. But I do promise I will try my very hardest to keep writing and maybe I'll get a chance to update sooner than we all think.**

 **Until then,**

 **bodysurfer27**


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